Ubunto (Ubuntu) : am i my brother's keeper?

“Ubuntu” is an ancient African word, meaning “humanity to others”. Ubuntu also means “I am what I am because of who we all are”.

"Ubunto really means that I am because you are. We belong
together. Our humanity is bound up with one another. We say in our languages, a person is a person through other persons. A solitary human being is a contradiction in terms. I learn how to become a human being through association with other human beings."

- Desmond Tutu

Nelson Mandela explained Ubuntu as follows;

"A traveller through a country would stop at a village and he didn't

have to ask for food or for water. Once he stops, the people give

him food, entertain him. That is one aspect of Ubuntu but it will have

various aspects. Ubuntu does not mean that people should not

address themselves. The question therefore is: Are you going to do

so in order to enable the community around you to be able to

improve?"

Please forgive me for the rambling that is sure to come forth. But, I've been pondering this for a few days and I have not yet come to a conclusion as to my current "condition" in this matter.

The matter in question?

Am I my brother's keeper?

I am not asking a general question.... but a question specific to me, shYne.

Am I my brother's keeper?

I SHOULD be my brother's keeper. To me, that is a very important aspect to our very human experience. To understand and celebrate the "One"-ness in the midst of our diversity is an important challenge and step towards understanding ourselves as creations of the Creator and ourselves as vessels of the Creator. We are one. That understanding of others is also an understanding of ourselves. To "keep" my brother is to "keep" myself. To honor myself is to bring honor to my brother.

But in spite of my having this belief that sounds so very much like "Ubuntu" to me, I am not effectual as a keeper of my brothers. I am prejudiced towards my clan. I don't allow my arms to extend any further out to embrace humanity in the form of an individual interest/relationship. I care about humanity as a whole, but I don't get personal. I don't "know" my brother.

I haven't always been this way. I used to do a lot more socializing. I had a variety of cliques or clans or groups that I was "friendly" with. People brought me joy. But eventually, in many cases, those same people caused me pain. In some cases, I brought pain. I learned that by weaning myself from an active social life, I greatly diminished the opportunity of hurt feelings, envy, disappointment, covetousness, obligation... yes, and the joy that is also a part of embracing humanity.

A part of the pain, has to do with "Getting Over Myself". I spoke of it in my first blog. When people have issues, I want to fix it. Not being able to fix it is frustrating and stressful. The effort that is put forth in fixing people's problems are many times ineffectual because it is either not enough or the people themselves don't want to be fixed. I won't dwell on that part, because I am getting over myself.

But the "sense of community" that I desire, I will never have if I never step out into the world and get to know my community.

WHAT DOES BEING MY BROTHER'S KEEPER ENTAIL?

Now THAT is the question. The answer? Let me work on this while I write out my therapy:

I know that it means if I can help someone in need, I should do so. This does not obligate me to do everything... all the time... for someone. But, if I can offer a reprieve - then do so. If I go beyond what I am able to afford in regards to finances, time, other resources, I am doing a dis-service to my family... so this can't be a good thing. And I shouldn't feel any guilt for drawing a line. I AM responsible for making my brother aware of that drawn line, though. If I allow my tendency to feel guilty for NOT being able to "fix it" override this simple rule, it would be like leading someone on. I don't want anyone to feel that I have committed to do more than I truly can or will.

Being my brother's keeper may mean that I have to step out of my comfort zone to offer a word of wisdom or encouragement or support... WITHOUT being anymore involved in my brother's business than he/she wants.

Being my brother's keeper means that I walk "my talk". I need to be forever conscious of the morals, ideals, ethics, spiritual beliefs that I claim to have and be an embodiment of this belief.

Being my brother's keeper means being "connected" enough to not only feel their pain, but to truly celebrate their joys.

Look after each others' children.

Pray for each others' spouses.

Break bread with one another.

Comfort each other.

Play together.

These are Ubuntu characteristics. These are characteristics I aspire to have. But there is no need for me to have them, if I don't have the mindset to share it with others.

I worked hard to UN-socialize. I'll have to work just as hard to learn to RE-socialize.

I want to share love without prejudice.

I want to enjoy the joy that relationships can bring.

Now that I am learning to love without the need to control the uncontrollable... or the personalities and souls that are not mine to control... i believe that I can grow from future experiences.

Let me just find the strength to open my door and step outside... in the sunshine.

peace,

shYne