Are We Experiencing A Paradigm Shift Towards Communitarianism?

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I first caught wind of "communitarianism" after I heard a political speech given and I commented to myself that this person sounded like no Republican OR Democrat that I've ever heard.... not to this extent!

I am not going to pretend that you are dumb, because it is going to be obvious who I am referring to, but he shall still remain nameless on this particular blog. It is not the individual that is so important, but the life altering philosophy.

When the speech was given, I remember thinking.... "he should start a new Humanitarian Party!"

So, I googled the candidate's name (it's almost a shame to call him a politician, given the connotations given to such a job category) and humanitarianism... both together. Although I got many hits, when I opened one of the links.... I saw his name coupled with the term "communitarian". The article really intrigued me and motivated me to dig a little deeper.

That is when I began googling "communitarianism" and came up with The Cumminitarianism Network.

Now, I haven't spent enough time reading and researching this philosophy to truly be able to give you a knowledgeable blog, but I CAN say that a sense of "truth" and "human destiny" resonated with my personal spiritual vibe.

It seems that when I wrote my blog about "Ubunto" and "...Am I My Brothers' Keeper", as well as, "Dear Mr. President, What About Autism" and my poem, "A Keeper's Keeper", "...Big Mama"... hell, I guess I wrote something that resonated with Communitarianism in all of my writings, because this philosophy is "truth" for me!

It seems that there is a paradigm shift towards this train of thought. Once you look into it for yourself, you will find that it isn't anything that is really new. In spite of the conception of this particular Network in America.... with all of the intellectual types ENDORSING this train of thought, communitarianism is as old as the tribes that originally (and still) inhabit this contenant and others. This is an ancient train of thought.


PARADIGM SHIFTS
If you understand anything about "paradigms", you would know that it is something like a hypothesis... or the road traveled to a hypothesis. You may have an understanding that something is correct; true.

In the refining process, the reality of the journey may bring about results that do not resemble the hypothesis and in its practice, it will prove itself to be "the truth" or ineffectual, harmful, unstable. If it proves itself untrue, as you continue refining the process, you can end up with something totally different than what you anticipated, OR you can return to something more like the original version. It can be a new improved version of the original, with improvements and modifications made necessary based on the metamorphisis that has occurred during the trial and error of other ways in addition to new developments... in this case... new developments in humanity... Social ills, technology, scientific understandng, greed, etc.

examples:









a) a shift to a new reality (same man - but different facial characteristics)










b) the picture remains the same, but with a "shift" in your brains perception, you can see a duck or a rabbit.... but it's the same... kind of like...the Matrix.

There seems to be a new wave of spirituality... not religion... but spirituality.... only it's not "new".... it is a return to spirituality that, in my opinion, is supporting the paradigm shift from selfishness and individuality back to caring and community.

The shift back to communitarianism started with all of these "new wave" thinkers who have taken the time and done their part by putting the idea back into the universe... from grass roots level to an "upper class" politicians and scholars ripe with educational pedigrees... I mean... degrees.

Well... that is enough from my "opinion"... form your own. Just click the hyperlink words earlier in this blog and then search for your own.

Then come back and talk to me about it.


-----Part of the Comm. Network Platform below:






Preamble
American men, women, and children are members of many communities--families; neighborhoods; innumerable social, religious, ethnic, work place, and professional associations; and the body politic itself. Neither human existence nor individual liberty can be sustained for long outside the interdependent and overlapping communities to which all of us belong. Nor can any community long survive unless its members dedicate some of their attention, energy, and resources to shared projects. The exclusive pursuit of private interest erodes the network of social environments on which we all depend, and is destructive to our shared experiment in democratic self-government. For these reasons, we hold that the rights of individuals cannot long be preserved without a communitarian perspective.

A communitarian perspective recognizes both individual human dignity and the social dimension of human existence.

A communitarian perspective recognizes that the preservation of individual liberty depends on the active maintenance of the institutions of civil society where citizens learn respect for others as well as self-respect; where we acquire a lively sense of our personal and civic responsibilities, along with an appreciation of our own rights and the rights of others; where we develop the skills of self-government as well as the habit of governing ourselves, and learn to serve others-- not just self.

A communitarian perspective recognizes that communities and polities, too, have obligations--including the duty to be responsive to their members and to foster participation and deliberation in social and political life.

A communitarian perspective does not dictate particular policies; rather it mandates attention to what is often ignored in contemporary policy debates: the social side of human nature; the responsibilities that must be borne by citizens, individually and collectively, in a regime of rights; the fragile ecology of families and their supporting communities; the ripple effects and long-term consequences of present decisions. The political views of the signers of this statement differ widely. We are united, however, in our conviction that a communitarian perspective must be brought to bear on the great moral, legal and social issues of our time.

Other points discussed in the platform:
Moral Voices
Within History
Not Majoritarian But Strongly Democratic
Restoring the Moral Voice
Start With the Family
Schools--The Second Line of Defense
Within Communitites: A Matter of Orientation
Duties to the Polity
Cleaning Up the Polity
Freedom of Speech
Social Justice
Public Safety and Public Health
The Human Community
In ConclusionA Question of Responsibility

The Longest Line

Saturday, I woke up with a mind to vote. Voting early seems to be the “in” thing now in Florida… and after my long wait in line, early voting is a good damn idea!

The elements definitely worked in my favor. The temperature was a nice, non-humid-pleasant-breeze 70-something degrees at its warmest. Just days before, Floridians suffered from sweltering temperatures of high 80’s and 90 degrees.

But my first view of the line was when I was in slow traffic pulling into the area of parking lots and recreational centers and fast food joints around the hosting library. I continued to move ahead; determined to have my energies intertwined with the paradigm shift of an historical event and a new sense of hopefulness in our society. I parked my car, thinking it strategic to my ultimate destination. And I walked to the library entrance with a stoicism that probably far exaggerated my individual importance. But this event IS important.

I walked around the corner and saw at least 2 hours waiting worth of people snaked through the driveway area and into the wooded lot next to the library. Although, I didn’t physically stop, my mind came to a screeching halt! I thought that I was out of my mind for walking ahead toward the back… (Where was the back?!)… the back of the line! I know darned well, I can vote another day. It’s too nice out here to spend the time that was unavoidably necessary, in a line outside of a library on a cool, breezy, Saturday.

I don’t know if you all believe in any type of negative spirits, and I certainly don’t, but doubt entered my brain, because SURELY this was the devil talking to me! DELAY my opportunity and right to vote because it was too nice outside?! This weather was a blessing for the long wait I had ahead of me.

I got in line. Made some phone calls. I had to let folks know how incredible this line was! I was really in awe of it… AND the fact that so many people (besides me) were willing to wait! After the dust settled on my incredulity, I just looked around. I listened to a few people in front of me chatting benignly about … you guessed it – the weather. It’s like everyone was hesitant to discuss the main thing that had drawn them to this location. A voting site volunteer gave us all a heads up on a voting location that was getting the voters in and out with much less wait. He even offered additional encouragement, by letting us know that shuttles had actually come to pick up the voters from our chosen site to go and vote at this other site earlier in the week.

Secretly, I hoped that half the line would go for it so that I could move up quickly. It was apparent that it wasn’t much of a secret when a fellow voter of Jamaican decent shouted out, “Tell those people down there, so we can move up faster!” Our end of the line laughed in unison, because we were obviously sharing the same thoughts. A few people were willing to give it a go, but not too many.

That was about the time, an African-American couple ahead of me and a Latino gentleman, started discussing the obvious in a not-so-obvious way. They talked about the amendments that were going to be on the ballot. The Jamaican and I got in on the conversation and finally, so did the African-American English teacher who was behind me.

We talked about the significance (or lack there-of) of same sex marriages becoming an uncontestable part of the constitution and the financial impact that a “yes” or “no” decision would have on society and economy. We discussed whether or not the most immediate and legally correct action in regards to illegal aliens who have lucrative American businesses, would be to just send them all packing or find an alternative method in working them into our system… legally – and what type of financial impact these decisions would have. We discussed the variance in proposed tax structures of real estate property based on its usage.

Finally, we discussed our economy, our political nominees and the current events surrounding them. We all found out that we had so much in common in regards to this season of politics. We all confessed that this was a rarely discussed topic and it was a relief to know that we could discuss it with strangers without some of the absurd reactions of violence that the news has been reporting lately. By the time we’d reached our 2nd hour (still outside of our appointed destination), we were very satisfied with our choice to remain in line and the chance we took in getting to know each other. The camaraderie added so much to the experience that we were having and the memory that we were creating. THIS truly was a spiritual experience!

After I got home, I called my Sister-friend in South Carolina to tell her about my day. I spoke of my 3 Hour wait. I made her laugh at how, by the time I had grandchilren old enough to kind of "get it", I would be exaggerating my wait-time to 10-12 hours instead of 3… all to create this new world for my bratty, ungrateful, grand-brats! Although I made her laugh, my laughter ceased when she said, “you think 10-12 hours is a long time? Girl, we’ve been waiting for over 400 years!”

Think about that.

"We've been waiting in line for over 400 years."

‘Nuff said!

It Just Ain’t Economically Correct

In order to fix this economy, we need to ‘fix’ how we LIVE in this economy. In school we learned all about ‘supply and demand’. But, something about that ain’t economically correct!


Is it ‘supply and demand’
Or ‘demand and supply’?
I think that supply and demand
Was a well perpetrated lie.

Maybe our educators were mis-educated
And a subliminal message was intrunkated
As our texts
Contain facts
That are whack
And our industrial giants are
Spending the money that we lack!

Because MY demand, Mr. Industry,
Is no longer based on what YOU supply.
I will no longer stick my head in the sand
And refuse accountability for accepting your lie.
With business handled your way
The world’s gone awry!

I won’t support the methods you use
Or the products you choose
And I won’t stand by as you continue to confuse
Others who may snooze
And don’t see your henchman’s hatchet.
We should stop buying your widgets and gadgets,
Your gizmos and devices.
And my insistent advise is…
For consumers to use thought and care
On how they buy
And know ‘when’, ‘why’ and ‘where’
Regarding the sources it takes
For you to create
the products we THINK we need and
you generate.

If we want to go ‘green’
We should not remain ‘red’ (with blood on your hands)
We should keep in mind - the destroyed lands
And the animals that bled…
(Just for the sake of a decorated paper wrapper adorning a burger in a Happy Meal.)

If we want to minimize wasteful products
We should stop spending our bucks
On meals and merchandise
That come with a price
That we won’t want to pay
When Karma-comes-a-callin’ one day!


Mr. Industry,
I demand and YOU supply!
Don’t get it twisted
Or try to sneak things by
We won’t keep walking down the same path that you lie!
(and you do lie)



Now, the money you made from which you invest
Spend for redevelopment and clean up your mess.
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Out of respect for OUR ancestors,
Refrain from your dirty, little industrial secrets
And make it happen with ‘clean’ green…
The transition will be more profitable than it seems.
And, if you refuse
Methods and products I choose
Nothing you attempt to industrialize
Will ever be realized
Because a new world of consumers
Will make materialize
A Change…
of their Own …

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Economical correction would call upon a new and necessary way of thinking. Well, the philosophy itself isn’t new; but, for it to be truly practiced and positively functioning, it would need to be incorporated by many people and held on to for dear life. Make ‘the changers’ of industry make a change! … and THEY will be grateful for it in the end.

My perception of a correct economical answer to today’s economical challenges would be “commu-nomics”….. As a poet, I have the write and the responsibility to make up new words (smile) if I maintain integrity while doing it.

If you look up the definitions of the words community and economics and put them together, you will have the answer. I won’t give you my perspective because I don’t want to influence my readers who may not have given this idea though. Develop your own understandings. But make sure you step quickly and definitively towards committing to your ideals and allow the transformation of your family, community, and country to begin and to be complete.


Definitions from Rhymezone.com:

Economic:
adjective: financially rewarding
Example: "It was no longer economic to keep the factory open"
adjective: concerned with worldly necessities of life (especially money)
Example: "He wrote the book primarily for economic reasons"
adjective: of or relating to the science of economics
Example: "Economic theory"
adjective: of or relating to an economy, the system of production and management of material wealth
Example: "Economic growth"
adjective: using the minimum of time or resources necessary for effectiveness
Example: "An economic use of home heating oil"


Community:
noun: (ecology) a group of interdependent organisms inhabiting the same region and interacting with each other
noun: a group of people living in a particular local area
Example: "The team is drawn from all parts of the community"
noun: a group of people having ethnic or cultural or religious characteristics in common
Example: "The Christian community of the apostolic age"
noun: a group of nations having common interests
Example: "They hoped to join the NATO community"
noun: common ownership
Example: "They shared a community of possessions"
noun: agreement as to goals
Example: "The preachers and the bootleggers found they had a community of interests"
noun: the body of people in a learned occupation
Example: "The news spread rapidly through the medical community"
noun: a district where people live; occupied primarily by private residences

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peace,

shyne

Keeping a Keeper

Dedicated to my Covenant Sisters.

I am a defender of my agreements
A steward of my pledges
And a caretaker of my allies…
Even as they ad-vise…
Me.

When I make a promise I keep it.
I focus on it.
I cherish it.
I seek assistance of spiritual sisters and brothers
to support me as I become ‘one’ with it.

They express their devotion for me
By encouraging me
To keep my pacts intact
Because keeping a Keeper is an act - - of love,
In fact…

They keep me - keeping my covenant
With the Creator
And I find my purpose to be much greater
Than I first thought
Because if I live as I ought
I will be keeping my Keepers as they keep me.
I will be keeping my Keepers as they keep-THEIR-covenant
As they were meant
To have their lifetime spent.

The Hebrew word berith, (covenant),

occurs over 280 times in the Old Testament.
And translates in English to mean

"a coming together."

So I contrive to strive to continue my journey
To “come together” with my purpose
To be one with my spiritual understandings
To join in harmony with my convictions
Without carnal contradictions
That makes a purposeless life
Worthless.
And I know all the hard work is
worth this…
Covenant Keeping.


shYne
10/21/08

BEWARE: The Color-Blind !!!

"A Dangerous Race of People!"

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BE AWARE! There are people among us who are a danger to all of us! They are even a danger to themselves and to others of their race. (Webster definition 2 : a family, tribe, people, or nation belonging to the same stock b: a class or kind of people unified by shared interests, habits, or characteristics - I will signify this definition with a lower case 'r').

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These dangerous people are "Color-Blind". I know that it seems like I am over dramatizing, but give me a minute to explain.

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First let's understand the meaning of the word as well as its usage and insinuations.
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According to Webster "color-blind" is defined as flollows:
col·or–blind
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Function: adjective
Date: 1853

1: affected with partial or total inability to distinguish one or more chromatic colors

2: insensitive , oblivious

3: not influenced by differences of race ; especially : free from racial prejudice

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The first definition refers to "color-blind" as it relates to a physiological condition. THIS is not dangerous.

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The second definition COULD indicate a dangerous attitude if "insensitivity & oblivious" means that you could care less about how things are said or done and one could be hurtful and offensive. Insensitivity in the wrong environment could even bring about danger to oneself.

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The third definition plainly points out a "train of thought" that no consideration is to be given for Race ( I'll signify the 'Race' that means a category of humankind that shares certain distinctive physical traits with a capital 'R'). A person who is 'not influenced by differences of 'Race' has a color-blindness that will accept no accountability for acts committed by themselves or others they associate with that are perceived as unkind and insensitive.

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They just "don't get it".

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A person who is truly color-blind to race may seem to be a Hero of sorts. I mean, "WOW", CeeBee (color-blind... c-b...cee-bee) will see me as just another person. My Race means nothing to her... my Race means... NOTHING... to her.
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Many people will say that it doesn't matter, but it does. When I get to know someone, I know more than just their name. I learn about their family, their habits, their likes & dislikes... what makes them "tick". What makes them happy and what makes them sad or angry. If I really like a person, I stray away from the behaviors that are upsetting to them because I like and respect that new friend or friendly acquaintance. If I am not too keen on incorporating them into my tribe of friends, I won't go out of my way to hurt them, but I won't worry about a lot of self-sacrifice to insure that they are in their comfort zone. So, you can't tell me that you like me, a Black person, the same way you like people of your own Race, if you do not try to get to know what makes ME "tick"... and respect "who I am and ALL that I am".

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Even now, you may say, "But, I know people who are like this... you know, color-blind and they truly don't get the 'Race' thing. They are good people."

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New book challenges conservatives’ call for color-blind society
Whitewashing Race attributes gap to legacy of policies that favor whites, not personal prejudice or blacks’ failures.

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For you to be color-blind would make us an invisible Race of people... we would cease to exist.

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Guess what. I know some people "like that", too - "good people". Now HERE IS THE DANGER of-it-all.

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There are wolves in sheeps clothing among CeeBee and her friends. The wolves PRETEND that they are like CeeBee. They proclaim their innocence of racial upheavel that they've induced. And they only proclaim this when someone catches them and calls them out... puts them on blast. If no one says anything, they will chuckle along with their jokes and cartoons and off-colored statements. Once they are called to the carpet... they proclaim, "I am with CeeBee!" And what can we do after that? We know that CeeBee is really a "good person" -- and doesn't really... "get it".

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Now I am putting CeeBee 'on blast'.

The REAL CeeBee.
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CeeBee, things that happened in the past and happen today are NOT your doing. But you do owe it to me... as an your African-American friend, your teacher, your co-worker, (hell, your daughter-in-law or sister-in-law, half-sister, or aunt) to get to KNOW me. To be responsible ... not for the acts of some possible distant relative, but responsible for your self-awareness of why I am being treated a certain way (because of my Race) -- no matter how close or distant we may be. You ARE being held accountable for laughing at the jokes that you didn't THINK were racial (and didn't think I would find out about) - because if you watch the news or payed attention in history class, you would understand what is really going on in these chain emails that you receive -- and pass on.

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You, Cee-Bee are giving cover to the perpetrators and thieves of YOUR identity. Allowing them to pretend to be you (while they hurt me) should piss you off and make you want to know how to protect your own image and character and not just mine.

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Get to know me. Know what puts the move in my groove. And the nitty in my gritty. Know who I am and where I came from... and how I came to be HERE.

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I once had a supervisor who didn't "get it". I truly believe that he got very little of "it" and, thankfully, refused to participate in any of "it". But I opened his eyes one day because I got him to realize that his not "following it up" didn't change the INTENT of those who would bring about Racial dis-harmony. I had a Chinese co-worker who said, "...you people..." I am aware that our conversation, at the time, could in no way imply any negative racial meaning, and I understood that she was farely new to the United States. But, I was also aware that if she said those words in the wrong place and in a slightly more questionable context, she'd find trouble. She didn't "get it" when I explained it to her, but she was grateful none-the-less because her intention was not to make any Race uncomfortable or angry.

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CeeBee, I mean no harm... as good a person as you are, I don't want you as my supervisor, my President, my Judge, or any position that gives you the authority to rule for or against me. I don't want you to patrol my streets because you won't understand or "get" the danger that could be right in my face. You won't be able to determine that I am truly being harassed, disrespected, and discriminated against for jobs.

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You only bring more harm to me. Be responsible. Pay attention. Be accountable for your self-education. That good friend on your job "that happens to be a Buh-lack person" will undoubtedly be more than happy to answer your questions instead of the questions revealing your awe of "how we get our hair THAT way" when we wear natural styles. We want you to know us and understand us... but you just aren't interested.

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I like who I am. I like who you are. We couldn't be who we are without the influences from each other. An individual Race should not be ignored or "pretended that they don't make a difference", because if who I am no longer 'counts',

than I will no longer BE who I AM.

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AFTERWARD

I don't want to blog directly on political issues.

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And I won't start with this one.

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But it just so happened that this "color-blind" issue has raised it's beastly head again in one of the latest political blunders during the current Presidential campain.

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The Chaffey Community Republican Women, Federated Newsletter was sent out this month (October) stating that "if Obama is elected his image will appear on food stamps -- instead of dollar bills like other presidents." The newsletter then sports an illustration of the "Obama Buck", which is an obviously a phony $10 bill with a picture of Obama's face on a donkey's body. He is surrounded by a watermelon, ribs and a bucket of fried chicken. The denomination is written on the "money" alongside a label reading, "United States Food Stamps."

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200 members and associates of the group received the GOP newsletter by e-mail and regular mail last week. Because of the harsh criticism and the outcry of racism, Diane Fedele, the President of the the group, claims that she will send a letter of apology TO HER MEMBERS, and offer an apology at the next meeting.

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Many of her own group members, as well as elected leaders, and party officials are among the complaints that she hears. It seems that she has not considered the fact that Senator Obama is deserving of an apology nor other African Americans who are offended (whether rightly so or not) by what many perceive as a blatant act of racist disrespect.

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Ms. Fedele seems to be of the "color-blind" race.

Click here to read about the details of the "Obama-Buck-Dianne-Fedele-You're-F***ed!" incident:

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http://www.pe.com/localnews/inland/stories/PE_News_Local_S_buck16.3d67d4a.html.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Are people "Color-Blind" or

are they perpetrators of

"Polite Genocide" ?

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Well, here is a kinda-sorta example of the acceptance of "polite genocide"... I just looked up the word "genocide" in http://www.webster.com/. Guess what... the finding came up "no entry"... but the related links came up with "Darfur". The webster site has not eliminated the possibility of there being a valid reference, but they chose not to provide a definition of a word that has a lot of meaning and usage for many of us in today's world. It was polite, but it did nothing to provide service for anyone inquiring the meaning of the word "genocide". Very "Polite" genocide of the reality of Racial conditions in our world and society today.

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And by the way, genocide is "the deliberate and systematic destruction, in whole or in part, of an ethnic, racial, religious, or national group. This word has been in use since approximately 1944.

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Let's put our energies toward "Cultual Diversity" and not "Polite Genocide".

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Peace,

shYne

RANT: I'm A "Big Mama"

I have had some experiences lately that truly defined for me what a "Big Mama" is... what a "Big Mama" does... and I now know that I am a "Big Mama".

"Big Mama" is a moniker used, (usually in African American, Hispanic, and other "like" cultures) which is usually defined as a large woman. Her large stature is usually a depiction of a tall, heavy-set person... either motherly or it could be meant as voluptuous and sexy... depending on who the "Big Mama" is and who is defined her by that moniker.


But there is an old definition with renewed significance for "Big Mama"- emerging in our culture. This "Big Mama" may or may not be large in size, but she is large in the characteristic and personality of a 'Mother to All". This is a woman who handles her business with her children, her significant other and extended family by blood or association. Her extended family consists of neighbors, friends, children's friends, co-workers, and so on.The "Big Mama" of today teaches, trains, consoles, rejoices, disciplines everyone who has touched her big heart. She takes the time to talk to you. She will cry with you. She even helps you to pick up the pieces of your heart or broken expectations and bring the glue to help you to put them together again. Maybe she will just stand by and watch protectively as her loved ones learn to "do the fixin' of themselves for themselves'.

---Baby Mama Drama can bring out the "BIG" in a "Big Mama----

Not long ago, my husband was hospitalized. I was already in 'planning mode' prioritizing the responsibilities that I would be taking from his plate. I knew that my daughter had to be taken to school every morning and that both my daughter and son needed to be picked up from school in the afternoons. I realized that I just started working and, especially in today's economy, it wouldn't be a good thing for me to take too much time off from work just yet. If I had no other choice, then so be it. I would take off without hesitation for the sake of my family responsibilities.
But, I know that I DO have a choice. "S's" biological mother lives in the same city and a reasonable distance away from all these activities. I chose to call on her for assistance. I made the call, but couldn't get thru because (again) she had run out of minutes on her flex cell phone account and could only be reached by members of her "MyFaves".

With a "MyFave" status, she can call us without going
against her minutes... As long as her monthly bill has been paid, she can have
no minutes and still call her 5 "MyFaves".

There have been many times where she has needed to contact my husband and I - or we needed to contact her... each time she insists that she is going to add one of our cell phones to her "MyFaves"... of course, this has yet to happen.

Making a long, long story short - I got thru to a mutual friend and asked her to call "S's" mom and ask her to call me. When she called, I told her that I needed her to pick-up my "daughter S" from school, keep her overnight, and take her to school the next morning.

She told me that she "couldn't".

Could NOT.
I found out later that she told our mutual friend that she "wouldn't".

Regardless, I refused to respond... I let her chatter and banter away at the reasons she had for not being able to be responsible for OUR "daughter, S". The daughter to which she gave birth. I was not shocked or even the slightest bit surprised because this response from S's biological mother was typical. But what I did feel was fed-the-f***-up!

In the end, she took care of my "daughter, S" in the way I instructed. Yes, instructed. I relayed it as a request for the benefit of "good manners" and I really desire to keep things peaceful. But when she objected, I did not back down. SHE had no choice.


Later during the day, I decided that I would just go get "daughter, S" from her bio-mom because I didn't feel good about how "S" was negotiated as a thing or circumstance. I would rather have her at home with me.

Bio and I engaged in conversationg that evening and revealed a lot about what we thought of each other. She told me that I liked to control things with "S". I accepted being told that I "control" things with "S" and how I had to have things my way and how Bio-Mom had no say. I explained that I controlled things because I didn't understand how Bio could call me and ask me, "What do we need to do about 'S' "?, when my husband has a medical emergancy. Why is she asking ME this? Does she not know HER responsibilities?

I told her that I felt that believed me to be like a hired hand that is only in a relationship with "S's" father and tolerated by her, Bio-Mom, just to take care of "S"? Am I the hired Nanny? I love "S" and I do what I do for her out of love... not obligation. So, "Yes", I take control of the situation. If she doesn't know what she needs to be doing, then I will have to give her instructions.

Of course, she tells me that I SHOULDN'T "feel like a Nanny". And I, not so patiently, explain that I don't feel like the Nanny, but I do believe that Bio-Mom sees me as such. I explain that I do want her to have control and decision-making privelege (that's right... privelege) regarding "S"... but not at my expense... not for me to have to follow thru.... SHE needs to be around and be involved in her daughter's life. She WILL NOT lay down rules while practicing 'remote parenting' with the expectation that I will follow through with her wishes, commands, and desires.

She asked me... no she screamed at me in a high-pitched irritating voice, "When do I not do something for "S" whenever you ask me to?!! Calmly I explain to her... "Number 1, YOU should not be the one asking ME what "S" needs. YOU are not doing ME a favor. Your argument and claim is that this is YOUR daughter. Number 2, you do what I ask you to do for her because I leave you no choice. I do for her all the time and from day to day and I know what our other needs are and I only ask you to do something when there is a conflict. Even though there is freedom for feedback and opinions, my requests are not open for discussion or comprimise because the "real" mother is the one who quickly steps up her game and "takes the wheel".

I then offered her a way that would save us all any future conflicts of this type. I asked Bio-Mom to relinquish her parental rights and allow me to adopt "S". That way she won't be expected to do a thing unless it is a real favor (it seems as though she thinks a favor is what she is doing... helping ME out).

Yeah, I did that.

She was livid. Screamed and hollered for more than a few minutes. Then she cried... I know this because I had to go over and take "S" her medicine. We talked. I backed down from nothing... I meant every word... and the offer is still open... It would be my pleasure to be "S's" legal "Big Mama".

I have the nerve, the audacity, and the unmittigated gall to ask a mother to let me have her child. But you know what?

I am her "Big Mama" anyway.
-------------------------------------

Peace,
shYne

I'm Coming Home, South Carolina!

Hallelujah!
I'm going home to South Carolina!!

Four years ago I moved to Florida for a change. Although it was a year after my "then" boyfriend" moved, I was supposed to move before him. The move was prompted by a need from both of us for a change. When we first met, we talked about where we would like to go. I had two choices... Florida and North Carolina. His two choices were Florida and Virginia.

During our first three years together we discussed it often. His reasons were not the same as mine, but none-the-less, we both had the state of Florida in common. His needs included a more positive and progressive educational experience for his autistic daughter. Mine was a desire for a different and more multi-faceted social experience for my sons. I also had been in SC for 25 years and I just needed a good-old-fashioned-plain-old change!

So, in 2004, my "boyfriend" moved to Florida in between hurricanes and electrical storms. One year later, I followed. Sierra had experienced a pretty good school experience here for one year, but the school faced some financial restructuring that did not include autism. So, in to the public school systems she went.

What a miserable experience for us all. We spent a lot of time, picking her up from school early. They didn't have the training and the manpower to manage a classroom full of autistic children. For a short time she went to a school which was attended by students of any and every disability in the area. Another fiasco.

One of my sons improved considerably here and the older was moving quick to "nowhere". I made some school changes for him that started him on his way to a greatly improved mental condition. But, the program got greedy and didn't want to release him back into the typical public school environments.

Well, I rebelled and had my oldest son "deployed" to my home state to live with my brother in the Charleston area. He has continued to improve so much. This child is college bound with more self-control and discipline than I could ever imagine.

My youngest son has gone from being 3 grade levels behind (in the third grade, he wasn't reading at the 1st grade reading level when we moved here) to right on target with just a minimal amount of tutoring needed to manage at his appropriate 6th grade level. I believe that as long as I remain attentive to his educational needs and progress, he can continue to improve.

Sierra has had a great experience at a new school, Princeton House Charter School. She has learned and grown so much. WE have all grown! Not only does the school teach and train the children, but the parents as well. She has just started her 3rd year there.

By now you may be wondering,

if the children that remain in our household are doing well,

why would we be considering a move?

-We have no family support here.
-My "then boyfriend" and "now husband" has experienced deteriorating health issues which have been attributed to the hot and humid climate in other cases... so maybe his, too.
-At my age, I have enough "personal summers" on my own. To have these hot flashes in this climate is beyond miserable for me.
-... and did I say, We have no family here?
Well, we have no family here. (3 times a charm!)

For three of the four years, I have done google searches every 2 to 3 months to see what "new thing" is happening in South Carolina, Georgia, North Carolina, and even Northern Florida for Autism.

-There is a school Georgia, but it is so far west I might as well stay here.
-North Carolina drew a blank. Nothing.
-Northern Florida has them but some tuitions ranging from $500/month - $34,000/year!

Sierra's school is free! We'll stay here first.

We recently started looking at Charlottesville, VA. There is a school there and my husband's parents are there.

Now, this school hasn't opened yet. They have a start date pending of Fall 2009, but you can visit their website if you go to my list of links on the right-side menus and check out what they have so far. Funding will be needed and appreciated because it will cost $35,000 per year per child.

If you can help financially, please do. If you can't, meditate on it or say a prayer or both.

It has already been put out into the universe as a possitive and real solution to a real challenge.

In 2009, a school for Autism will be in South Carolina, People!!
MUSC is right in the same city! So, the medical situations will be promising at the least!
My middle son is in the same city!
My oldest son just 2 hours away!

Now I am going to look at educational opportunities for my youngest son!
and a job for myself!

Pray for a sistah!

_____________________

shYne

Sand and Stone!

A story tells of two friends who were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey, they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, she wrote in the sand:

"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE"

They kept on walking, until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but her friend saved her. After she recovered from the near drowning, she wrote on a stone:

"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE"

The friend, who had slapped and saved her best friend, asked her, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand, and now, you write on a stone, why?"

The other friend replied: "When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand, where the winds of forgiveness can erase it, but when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone, so no wind can ever erase it."

LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BLESSINGS IN STONE.


Author Unknown

________________________________

Creator, teach me to write!

your daughter,
shYne