Rites of The Lunar Maiden: REALIZATION

This entry is not meant to be eloquant or "deep". Simply a decision that I have made.

My sister-friend and I have been doing a lot of conversation regarding periods. Yup, menstruation. The lack of it, the abundance of it, the insecurities of it, the purpose of its continuity past a woman's intended benefit, the pains of it, the joys of it, the inconvenience of it and the humiliation of it... we've been discussin' ALL of it.

There have been times in my life that I have been glad to see it come... like my first time. It's arrival let me know that I was normal and on my way to woman-hood. Also, there have been times that I had done the deed that could end in pregnancy, but I didn't want to reap the benefits of unprotected sex with someone with whom I didn't want to share responsibilities of raising a child... I was excited to see my period come on.

Now that I have gotten older and my "temple" is not in the shape it should be in, the menses period of my cycle where I am shedding the blood and tissue that would protect a baby if one was conceived.... now, my periods are painful, the flow is heavy and literally out of control. I have cramps that are just like labor pains, leaving me in tears. I bleed thru multiple tampons (worn at the same time) and a pad within 40 minutes! I am tired of going to the bathroom to make "upgrades" and changes twice an hour. When I bleed thru, I am just simply humiliated. I cry tears of frustration and surrendor. Unfortunately, you can't just quit on having periods unless you have the surgery to make it so.

Now, I have contemplated the "QUIT". Oh yes. Until recently, I was going to have the surgery. I waited patiently for 2009 to get here so that the last of my not-so-terrific-health-insurance coverage would be in place to make it as inexpensive as possible.

Yeah.... I was ready to forego my first step to woman-hood's rites of passage. I've already had three children, I have two more by marriage, and I don't have anything else to prove.

So, why now do I hesitate to get this surgery?

I have had several epiphanies in the recent 30 days. I have literally "seen" the sickness and illness that wants to claim my physical body. I have spoken with the "emotional disease" of misdirection and lack of insight and clear sight, that will surely taint my soul if I don't continue on a spiritual path that I began when I was a child.

What does this have to do with menstruation related circumstances?

Being the core of my woman-hood, the condition of certain organs and organ functions is a thermometer of spiritual function and effectiveness. I believe, though many will disagree, that the condition of my womanly-conditions can be my compass to well-ness. I believe that it will reveal whether or not I am on the right track of my physical AND spiritual wellness journey. I believe that my change in diet will positively effect the growth (and ultimate presence) of my uterine fibroid tumors. I believe that my perception of myself as a woman and mother and wife, and how I obey Spirit in order to live these roles as I am convicted (according to the Sacred Path that I am compelled to follow) will have an effect on the pain, shame, guilt, and isolation that I feel once a month... up to 3 times a month!

I know that isolation is a part of my therapy during my period, but for healing purposes rather than because I am a poison to my family and society.

My understanding or visualization of the menstrual cycle issue is relative to me. I am not saying that it's relevance is anyone elses but mine.

In the end, maybe I will still require surgery... but that will be a revelation of truth within it self, won't it?